what do you want, a cookie?

Apparently people have wanted a peak at my private matters today. First a woman walked in on me in the bathroom stall, secondly someone tried to get into my gym changing room, followed by yet another person attempting the door in the tanning booth I was in (also at the gym). All this to say, I've decided to open the window via this post and let the world know what I've been mulling over the last few days.

Real people leading real naked lives. (courtesy of Spencer Tunick)

A good friend of mine is leaving her husband (for very good reasons) but she went on to tell me a bunch more stuff that always irritated the crap out of her. One of them was his apparent addiction to live pornography. She said, "he might as well just pick up a prostitute, it's basically the same thing."

Well, being true to my tarot birth cards (Justice and the High Priestess) I can't weigh into something until I've weighed all of it.

So I asked a few other ladies what they thought about this matter. One said, "I'd kill him." Another said, "He's a jerk, I don't give a crap what he does anymore." Yet another still said, "yes, it's cheating in  my book."

Well, then I asked Google. Yep, I said, "Google, is live pornography cheating?" Google had LOTS to say on the matter.

I decided to weigh both sides, let's break it down shall we?

It's no secret that men get away with things like this all the time. They stare at other women, look at nude magazines, visit porn sites, go to strip clubs, etc. Why do they get away with it? There are a number of reasons (er, excuses) that often get thrown out about this, such as...

• Men need variety. (Um, really? Do you want a cookie or something? Oh wait, that's what you're doing, getting your cookie.)
• Men think about sex constantly. (So, what. There are plenty of things in the world that need fixing, get a life.)
• We can't help it. (So, you're saying you are incapable of making decisions? There sure are a lot of you in political office then if that's the case)
• Men are visually oriented. (yes, we are right here in front of you)

Women get upset about things like this because:

• It's disrespectful to us. (Why then do we as a gender continue to provide this entertainment thus disrespecting ourselves)
• It's degrading. (See above)
• It makes me feel shitty and unattractive. (Yes, it does, especially because society tells you that you should be all things to men and be a whore, but only in bed with one man, and his need for you to be attractive all the time is really really important. Um, have you looked at him lately?)

Okay, now that we've got that out of the way let's cut the superficial BS and try to find some roots. The roots of these evils, on both ends, are ego driven and are perpetuated by our poor sense of self esteem. A man who needs to consistently engage with many other women who don't know or love him obviously needs constant ego stroking to feel good about himself. Women, see bullet number three above.

The sad truths:

1. Men who regularly engage with this crap (monthly, weekly, daily, whatever) are slowly eroding their ability to be satisfied by their real sex life by building immunities to what's really in front of them. (sad, but true)
2. Women who find out their men are doing this and confront them end up feeling worse because he will do it again and she will find out and be hurt. (sucky and true)
3. Women who find out and don't tell their man they know suffer resentment and suspicion. (suckier? but true)
4. Majority of women across the world are not satisfied with their sex lives, but instead of engaging in other activities (like men do,) blame themselves and try to figure out how to better please their man. (really really sad but true)

Question for men next time you hit the keyboard running - How would you feel if you spent the bulk of your free time cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, running errands, working and pleasing us only to find out that we spend our free time chatting with a real, live, naked men while they do stuff for us to watch and talk dirty to us? Does that make you feel good? Wouldn't it also be great if we told you that you were insecure and jealous for caring? Or if we've asked you not to do it anymore only to find out otherwise a few days later? Awesome, yeah, good stuff...

Question for women next time you 'find out' - How would you feel if you were taught from a young age that you're a MAN, and men think with their penis and you subconsciously bought into it. Now you use your brain exactly the way you were taught, on mindless nonsense when you could be inventing something amazing or solving world hunger. Sweet, amazing, me smart...

I didn't really answer the question. What do I think? Is live pornography the same as cheating? Kind of, you are engaging with another real human being. My bigger question is why in the world would you do that when you have a kind hearted, caring woman who loves you and would do anything to please you if you only asked.

Pretty stupid. All of it. Nothings sacred anymore. Times have changed. I agree with redefining relationships and everything else, but let's do it in ways that are beneficial and build the kind of lasting deep bonding that we all crave and are too scared to really have.

WOULD LOVE FOR YOU TO WEIGH IN! Seriously, you can comment anonymously, I am fascinated to know what people think. If you missed the question, it's "IS LIVE PORN CHEATING?"

Peace out baby.

Disclaimer: This weigh in is based on 'best case scenario' situations. This isn't about he said she said or well, she won't have sex with me, etc. Just regular couples with average sex lives and real lives. Also, many items above are slightly exaggerated so you get the point.