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It starts with birth and goes backwards. I saw a few different lives, one in which myself, my brother (currently) and both of my parents all lived in an orphanage somewhere in England. I was a young boy of about 10 and my brother currently, was my sister about 6 years old. The two of us fled the orphanage, on my lead (shocker.) I scavenged cleverly for food and resources, but turned most of it over to my little sister to keep her alive. In the memory, I ended up dying of starvation on the streets of England, she was hovered over me trying to wake me up from my deadened state.
Ever since that time, I've noticed many patterns emerge from myself, related or not, explained through this or my imagination, I'll never know. Regardless, there seems to be something in my unconscious that still has issues with food. I truly always feel like I will be starving. Funny enough, my brother and I lived together during college under my parents roof for a spell when they were cabin bound. I would always save part of my food if I went out (BUDGET...) for the next day. Jeff would ALWAYS eat my leftovers and I would ALWAYS get pissed. If only he knew I died of starvation because of him ;)
Hmm
What's my point? I've been thinking about this a lot lately because I'm trying to cut my body fat percentage down and build muscle, all at the same time, which is very hard. I pack myself a lunch and healthy, proportioned snacks every day, but I find that every day I start to panic. Once I log all of my food for the day into MyFitness Pal, I suddenly feel that I won't have enough fuel to get through my workouts. Am I going to be weak? I should maybe get a salad or soup or something to go with this?
Logically, I know that it's enough. Unconsciously, I do not. On many occasions, I give into the demon and get some hard-boiled eggs, a small salad, soup, etc. (always healthy) but still calories I don't necessarily need. I feel it's sabotaging my fitness goals and makes me wonder how the past impacts the now.
It's something relatively harmless, but what about other things? Are illnesses and addictions a residual effect from the past? Reclusive behaviors? Inclusive behaviors? I guess we'll never really confirm knowledge.
Anyways, this is not to excuse or explain undesirable behaviors, but rather to bring light onto the darkness of the unconscious and be better able to control the beast.
What do you think? Do you have any relentless complexes you think might be more readily understandable with Past Life knowledge?
That's all I have to say right now.
