look at how green that grass is

That's what they say isn't it? The grass is always greener on the other side? Well, what if it actually was? This is my question and discovery at this exact moment in time.

I was thinking about my life as of late and headed straight into the North and South Nodes of the Moon in a natal astrology chart. The Nodes have considerable weight when reading a chart. They are said to imply the skills and areas of life where one has a unique calling and/or where one is 'going' (indicated by the North Node) and the knowledge and talents which are innate to us and we bring along the journey (South Node.) In a way it's like having a tool box and knowing how to use some and learning to use the rest.

Image Props to this site

The catch 22 of the nodes is similar to the green grass conundrum. The Nodes are always in opposition to one another. While they are capable of blending and truly aiding one another, the energies are very different and we are automatically predisposed to the comfort of the South Node. But, that which is comfortable and comes easy isn't always best if we want a real sense of satisfaction and accomplishment in life.

When it comes to the nodes we often come face to face with something that we are immensely attracted to, something we feel we really need to do or follow (North Node); and we might head down that path of greener pastures with a vengeance only to gaze backward when the going gets tough and long for the ease and good feeling of the green grass we left behind.

It's sort of a teeter tottering effect and varies greatly from person to person. Some will find it easy to integrate these polarized energies into a unified and satisfying approach to life on Earth and others may do the dance of one step forward and two steps back.

I suppose what I'm saying is, if you find areas of your life where you run toward something and fall back on something else, these are your nodes at work. That green grass you were running towards and got scared of may actually contain the very thing you are searching for. But like anything else, sometimes it's just the lesson we need at the time to grow roots into that truth; which comes at a price and sometimes that price is what was left behind.

Okay! I'm rambling...I'm a little sleepy today and will continue this with a more personal approach, but in the meantime.

What context the nodes have for an individual can really only be gleaned by looking at an entire birth chart. Where it falls in relation to the hemispheres, which signs and houses it occupies and how it's meshing with other planets will really drill down the specifics. If you are interested in a node reading, feel free to contact me at oddnumberedlife@gmail.com.

the opposite of incongruous at night

There's something comforting about the world going to sleep. Almost as though the pressure of the deux is released and emergence into the all is at foot. One step into a sudden re-entrance into the vastness of life and one is absorbed back into it instead of being sucked into the here and now with the immediate surroundings.

There exists no space or time, just immeasurable places in which to dunk and douse without the trappings of the material world. This need not exist only in the night, at times too; the beauty of dawn, before all rise, when the dew on the grass is you and the sun rising is a luminous reminder of existence as a whole versus the separateness of everyday living.

Fight of Selves

Her hand bites her other hand as she wrestles to sleep
With claws of steal they taught and writhe on each other
The cause of two, a set of incompatible unspoken quandary
Bleeding ears hear not the ringing sound of what she knows.

Like the teething process of a young child
The lost bewilderment in growth breaks the skin
She's left in pain without understanding or Novocaine.

The sheets are stripped from her sides
For once more naked than the day of birth
Waiting on the comfort of some other mother's nook.

There's no reason between the fight of selves
'Til at last there's nothing left but the flight of the beast
Unleashed.

sea through

A most translucent fish is best left to its natural environment, where it glows in the colors of all it touches. You are this translucent fish. I see your reflection in each part and its a mysteriously beautiful and seeming impossible elusive.

A translucent fish isn't meant to be caught. Better left to the waters to flow, fly, drift and speed along the currents. I would no more want to capture a turning leaf and watch it fade and crumble in hours inside my palm.

I may not be as free as these fish, but maybe some form of translucency befits. Best left to glow in colors all my own and bring them to the gray and drab unfounded depths of the ocean. And all that to say, the feelings I have are as deep as these colors, but the bones are absent - there's no form or obligation. Toggled between illusions and spears, there's always risk of further vulnerability in these murky waters of the mind, forever more no less.

ramblings of a driftwood nature

I sat on a beach with a bonfire in front of me and felt the smoothness of a piece of driftwood between my thumb and forefinger. It was far from rigid and more a depiction of life and winding paths. Maybe drifters become softer on the edges with time. Floating along the waters and piling up on shore where fate determines if you'll be burned at the hands or not.

Sitting on a dock with the winds wafting through my hair, waiting for the fates or self to decide, can't help but think maybe all this molding has taken a shape but was repeatedly beaten down by the hands of some shore land that snatched me up from a float. Grabbed a hold and decided what I was, like a cloud formation or an ink blot. You look like this, they said and threw me into the fire.

And maybe driftwood can't determine it's own fate, just be one with the waters and allow the flow into what's next and become smoother with time and experience...

Waning Crescent

I feel the moon phase in it's entirety today as it wanes. The time ripe for review of recent events and digesting of experience. If you're a lunar child, like me, maybe you'll understand this, but sometimes I swear an entire life cycle existed in one full lunar cycle. The gamut of peaks and valleys underwent and when it's done, I get to start all over again.

Pic Props from here

That being said, here's my ramble for the evening...

I think age and experience is the only thing that finally gets you to round the bend and watch yourself sabotage your conscious efforts. And at that moment you know you have a choice. There is no one to blame or congratulate but you and whatever you choose, it's all yours.

I've watched my unconscious desires and habits destroy really great things I had in front of me and for whatever reason, in this odd numbered 7 year, they are no longer foggy or easily put away in the drawer under a stash of mismatched socks. It's more like walking around with a black light exposing everything disgusting. Only it's not really that gross, it's just the truth.

But sometimes I still trick myself into believing my unconscious is saving me from doing what is not in my best interest. It's clever, manipulative and willful as a screaming child.

That's really all I have to say right now. What say you?

indomitable.

I'm stuck on Scorpio right now. What can I say, I'm basically a Pisces, but cross me more than once you'll feel my Mars in Scorpio and Mercury/Pluto conjunction without a word spoken.

Mars in Scorpio. I've touched on Venus in Scorpio. But Mars is a different energy. If I didn't have Venus in Leo, I probably wouldn't reveal this! That being said, here's a short synopses of what I know.

Mars is the planet of action, it's what we desire, it's how we approach things requiring action. It's the way we fight, the way we sport, exercise and basically go out and get whatever the hell we want. To have Mars in Scorpio is to plot and plan. The action takes place prior to the actual act in the realms of the underground. At night, there's a brooding, seething lusty person drawing up the architecture for attack. As a result, those with Mars in Scorpio usually get what they want. They've thought out all the possibilities and weaknesses of any said opponents, real or imagined. They study and notice everything to near paranoia. To be caught off guard is their detriment, for their eyes and instincts are keen and rarely miss your skipped heart beat.

The curious thing about these folks is you'd never know it. (unless you have strong Scorpio placements, you'll sense it) The exterior can be beyond cool. They'll hold tight until the moment is ready to strike and when they do, look out because the will is indomitable. The energy behind it has been culminating for months and is a volcanic eruption.

I know from experience that when I go to the gym, leave me the hell alone. People actually get out of my way and men watch me awestruck because when I work out it is 100% focus. Headphones, nope, they'll just be bothersome. TV, nope, I'm busy staring down the miles or counting reps. Plyometrics, I wouldn't stand too near because I jump as fast as I can lest you be hit with beads of furious sweat fleeing from our ponytails. Indomitable. Formidable. Inexcusable. That's Mars in Scorpio. We can play a pretty sweet game if we must, but we'd prefer to be wrapped in blackened silk feeling our way through the depths. There's nothing more heinous than falsehood, but we'll plaster on a fake one just to let you know its fake if absolutely effing necessary.

I forgot, so far to mention that Mars in Scorpio is forever champion of the underdog. If you've truly been wronged, these people will not hesitate to stand up for you or your others. They know deeply the pain and suffering of Earthly living and will go to great lengths to avenge wrong doings. They are aware of the cycles of karma and will watch you take yourself down if they feel you so deserve it. To this sign, it's no more ruthless than life itself.

On another tack, Mars is also energized through the activities of its sign. Mars in Scorpio feeds off the death and rebirth. They make great surgeons and EMT's because immediate focused action is what they are built for. Along with blow ups with loved ones, these things only feed us and bring us closer to what we want. Extreme closeness with what's real. When we kill one of our long term habits, it's exactly that, a full blown death. None of the stages are exempt and we'll rise a different entity post completion. To give you an idea of contrast, Mars in Gemini, for example, is energized through conversation. Through meeting of the minds and an enormous need for variety. They have a really hard time focusing on one thing at a time. Mars in Scorpio focuses intently on one thing at a time. Mars in Cancer? Yep, family is hugely important and you might find these folks with guns under their beds ready to fight to the death to keep the hearth safe from intrusion. (Note Mars, Venus or Moon in the 4th - Cancer's house, might also do this)

What's my point. I don't really have one. Just sharing what I know is true as writers do. Mars is actually exalted in Scorpio and I'm grateful to have been born to this placement. Although it's one of those double edgers, riding extremes, it also makes us capable of withstanding the most horrific circumstances or cutting them off at will and turning that dark stare to more meaningful pastures. I've said it before, I'll say it again; Scorpio gets a bad rep. What strong placements here want is the deepest, truest, realest part of everything. Like butter over margarine. See it for what it is, fat content has no importance.

As always, contact me if you want me to look at your chart. It's been in my blood for nearly 12 years and I love musing on the psychology of it all.

it's all you

One of the most important things we learn as we age is that we need only answer to ourselves. If we can do that, with head and heart in tact, we've accomplished something and we're on the right track.


That's all I have to say right now.

where's my pinch hitter

Astrology, one of my long term love affairs of the mind gets a bad rep. And rightly so in many cases. But for me, I see the birth chart and all its' planets as a baseball team. Different energies all working together for the same purpose. Let's break it down shall we?

We've got the outfielders, Pluto, Uranus and Neptune. Neptune's out in right field counting dandelions, whistling and daydreaming about catching that fly ball against the wall. Uranus is at center field smitten by all the action and moving in swift irregular patterns. Pluto's ducking out in left field, feigning incognito, but checking the batters stance, ready, willing to defend and make that play at home or smell a foul on it's way out.

The Sun is pitching. Center of attention, making things happen. The Moon is catching (receiving) what the Sun doles out and offering support on those rough days.

Saturn's on first with grave responsibility. Worrying. Waiting. Ready. Jupiter's boundless enthusiasm and energy is ready at shortstop, fielding whatever comes it's way. Benevolent and generous in aiding Venus and Mars respectively on 2nd and third. And Mercury is coaching. Planning, organizing, structuring, making decisions.

Because we don't need our players looking like this.
Props go to this site for the image.

All this to say, when we know where are weakest players are, what they're up to and trust them at their positions anyhow, that's the function of natal chart astrology. More a matter of awareness in keeping our various energies happy and bolstering their natural strengths by positioning them accordingly.

I realize this is a cheesy demonstration, but I hope the metaphor at least sheds some light on the true purpose of my longest hobby love. Discuss, you know, or don't. You can also contact me if you want me to look at your chart. I love doing it.

As the title eludes, where's my pinch hitter? Good question, I'd probably give it over to Chiron, but we'll leave that for a separate day.