depth by happiness

I used to feel that depth was only found in the shadows. In the darkness. In the deep recesses. Yet, somehow, quite recently I stumbled upon a happiness so far down I barely recognized it. It was so big and so wide I couldn't see across it, and I didn't need to. It wasn't coming home after a long dreary day, it was a true feeling of expansion from in to out.

I suddenly became less cautious of what I shared and more willing and able to ask for what I wanted. The fear dimmed to the sound of a humble stream you sit next to for clarity in troubled times. I liked myself more for who I am, exactly as I am and found new ways to be less critical and more accepting. Everything became more whole-hearted and it seems the world and everything in it ceased in closure. It was suddenly open, where before I'd need to pry open the windows to see outside.

And in all of this, I can now see why the darkness seems to hold the depth. It has the ability to find real feelings with ease. It's easy to breathe sadness and sarcasm. It's easy to see a way to wallow alone in darkness. Nobody is there to judge it, it's just you. The light is less recognizable, it doesn't breed tears, tiredness and shame.

I like it. This happiness feels like love to me. It's something that's only time limit is yourself withholding. When being in it, in the very moment and putting out exactly what you are is all that's needed to keep the sacredness in tact.

This post is all about me. Yep, unapologetic, I feel euphorically capable of handling the windfalls, because I have me by my side. But, I hope that in doing so I can finally shed light for others and live out whatever purpose I'm here to impose.

And that's all I have to say right now... Until next time, forever shameless.