70 years and something 'weird'

My best friend's Grandpa died the other day at age 90. I got lost on my way to the 'funeral' and had to reach out to her husband to find my way. As we were walking in, I told him I couldn't figure out why a funeral would be at an apartment complex. He said, this is just a memorial, the burial isn't until Monday. He also said, yeah, Em's family is weird, I just try to be supportive.

Picture is from here

This family has always been a model of what is real for me and this memorial was no different. My best friend's mom gave the most beautiful speech about her father's life, equipped with a slide show of pictures to help tell his stories. After which, nearly everyone in the room stood up and told their memorable story about him. My best friend ended the stories by talking about 'their love.' Her Grandma and Grandpa had been together for 70 years and when you look through the pictures, you could see they loved each other through all if it. She went on to say that while she was staying with them as his health deteriorated, she would often find them holding hands in their sleep. As you might imagine, the whole room filled with tears and the 'ceremony' was complete. We ate lunch and it was beautiful.

I was talking with my best friend's mom afterwards and she told me how her father was planning his ceremony before he died and wanted so much to be there. He called it 'his party.' She had tossed the idea around in her head of having it before he passed, but thought that would be just too weird. They did plan a 'party' for him where they ate fried chicken. He had been told it would be a pizza party. He took a bite of the chicken and said it was the best pizza he'd ever eaten. Then he asked if this was his party and they all said yes.

To me this memorial was truly beautiful. There was nothing stuffy or over planned about it. Just the real people in his life remembering him in a way that wasn't overly aggrandized or structured. No fancy church that nobody had ever really gone to. No pastor or priest telling the man's stories. Just the time and space to do what families do; eat, remember, laugh and grieve together.

Not to mention, 70 years of marriage. What's the secret, people had asked. "Humor," is what they had to say. At this point in life I can't imagine 70 years with someone, but I do now understand what kind of commitment that takes and that love can be unending and as enduring as we make it. I want that.

That's all I have to say right now.