enjoyment

There lives a dichotomy somewhere in this brain that produces a tiresome tension between desires. The desire to enjoy the Venusian side of life. Good food, arts, entertainment, socializing, music, etc. and the desire to create something of long standing value. It's like clockwork. Whenever I go off the deep end and run around living it up, this other side crops up and shakes a fist in the air beckoning me to use energy in less frivolous ways. To hunker down and manifest some lost vision into something tangible. Something to be given away.

As I'm fighting this urge through summertime, something occurred to me that has never occurred before. At least not in a way that snapped these items together. In the enjoyment is the creation of memories and that is definitely not nothing. Which lead me to thinking about the fact that one day, I will be very old. The people I know and love will also be very old. And when we're incapable of driving ourselves places and getting around with ease we still have the memories. Stories to tell grand kids and boast about with neighbors. And damn it if I don't want to have a whole slew of amazing mind movies to recall and, with any luck, feel my life was worthwhile.

Although this concept is so very simple, it managed to evade me all these years, caught somewhere between the opposing forces. It doesn't change the energy that strives to build something that really screams out what I live to say. One of these days it will come out with just the right skill and it'll be time to move onto the next wave. Whatever that may lead.

That's all I have to say right now.