some pregnant lady

I get that most people have more going on inside than meets the eye. But still, I tend to experience myself as being someone you'd truly never guess what's happening up there.

Image from here. Depiction of the High Priestess.

I muster through small talk, I'm good at mixing and mingling. I can make an impression when I set out to. And this shell willfully disguises the musings of it's underworld.

All this to say. I was rolling with the Zimbilly's on this lovely Sunday afternoon. We had several visitors drop in on our driveway/yard/garage festivities. I walked outside after a bathroom trip to find a very pregnant lady and her husband had stopped in for a spell. She was so very very pregnant. Her big old belly standing out from her scarcely swelled hips. She looked so lovely. Many thoughts went through my head, from the other neighbor guy, who has a thing for pregnant women (he wasn't there,) up to the thought that I will probably never be that lady. Never walk through those nine months of radiant agony and have everyone around know exactly what's happening under my skin.

But, in that moment of her glowing radiance, something to me occurred. How I've spent most of my adult life pregnant with thought. There's always something gestating in the room above my neck. Little seedlings about life, the after life, meaning, aliens, the unseen, the unexpected, what would the world could be, what it should be, what I would be and everything in between.

Alas, these thoughts, they've seldom birthed. Always stillborn short stories, or a femerell for something otherwise aloof.

I wondered how life might change should I actually make the time and gestate one of these seedlings to full term. Breathe life into it and make it so. Let it take on my eye and hair color, maybe house the skeletons of my genetics into flesh. And still, my personality is such that I'd probably abort it last minute. Shred it beyond recognition and internalize its excrement.

I guess we'll see...