pheasant breast

I realize it's Thanksgiving and I should probably write a blog post about all the things I'm thankful for, that said, my brain lent itself to an alternative tack.

I went pheasant hunting this morning. Five birds were had. What followed, for me was both disturbing, interesting and enlightening. Just another link in the chain of life as I see it. Connected, metaphorical and a reflection.

image from here

The birds were warm and nestled on the tailgate of my others truck and the veteran woman in our group offered to clean them. I watched as she flipped them on their backs and dug for the center of their feathers and skin and ripped them open to undress the breasts.

It was such a violent procedure that she undertook with such precision, but it just made me think of a man ripping open a woman's shirt to get at 'the goods.' Which then brought me around to assault of women and the taking by force of something wholly dead or innocent.

Onward to the plight of animal instinct in man-kind dressed in the modern lighting. And how the majority have managed to civilize instinct over time. Has instinct changed within our DNA? Or is it the same within the different frame? The need to provide is obviously much different than it once was and what about women's instincts? Are we becoming less motherly as we evolve? Or are we 'mothering' in new or ways that replace it with the workplace and alternative lifestyles? And still acts of violence are all around us. Are some genes perpetuating 'old' instincts?

It doesn't really matter. It is what it is and will continue to change and move. But how miraculous is the adaptability of human nature? At one time we were able to adapt and survive without electricity, running water, cars, etc. and now we adapt to the shit that comes with all this change. Is it better? Are we better? Does it matter that we've 'civilized' in the grand scheme? We wouldn't know any different if we hadn't, it would just be what it's always been. Weird.

Sometimes it looks like the world is The Beast and civilization is The Beauty. Slowly taming the adrenaline, testosterone and aggression man was born with.

All that to say, how the hell did the cleaning of a dead bird bring all this up? I guess the mind is a mysterious playground...

Happy Thanksgiving.

now do you know?

Sometimes I get to thinking Karma is the only way to explain all the shit that goes down in this world.

Karma says, Now do you know how it feels to:

• have someone look you in the eye and stab you in the chest (literally and figuratively.)
• have someone hand over a set of keys to a new house, for no reason.
• have someone lie to your face knowing full well you know the truth.
• have someone forgive you for something 'unforgivable.'
• deal with a know it all.
• have your _______ stolen.
• have your most personal thoughts torn to shreds.
• have someone boost your confidence and help you excel.
• be ignored over and over and over and over.
• have someone leave you at the alter.
• have someone cut you off in traffic.
• have someone move up the ladder when you 'deserve' it more.
• have someone love you no matter what.
• have someone leave you with no real reason.
• have someone make you feel shitty about your body or looks.
• have someone kill your entire family.

? You get the point.

Is it possible we've all done all of these things? I've truly tried, but I can't come up with anything else that makes "sense." At the very least the concept of Karma lends a balance and the promise of redemption in one's own hands. And still, I often find myself in shackles and cashing the checks of deeds done. Who knows...

And that's all I have to say today.

what do you want, a cookie?

Apparently people have wanted a peak at my private matters today. First a woman walked in on me in the bathroom stall, secondly someone tried to get into my gym changing room, followed by yet another person attempting the door in the tanning booth I was in (also at the gym). All this to say, I've decided to open the window via this post and let the world know what I've been mulling over the last few days.

Real people leading real naked lives. (courtesy of Spencer Tunick)

A good friend of mine is leaving her husband (for very good reasons) but she went on to tell me a bunch more stuff that always irritated the crap out of her. One of them was his apparent addiction to live pornography. She said, "he might as well just pick up a prostitute, it's basically the same thing."

Well, being true to my tarot birth cards (Justice and the High Priestess) I can't weigh into something until I've weighed all of it.

So I asked a few other ladies what they thought about this matter. One said, "I'd kill him." Another said, "He's a jerk, I don't give a crap what he does anymore." Yet another still said, "yes, it's cheating in  my book."

Well, then I asked Google. Yep, I said, "Google, is live pornography cheating?" Google had LOTS to say on the matter.

I decided to weigh both sides, let's break it down shall we?

It's no secret that men get away with things like this all the time. They stare at other women, look at nude magazines, visit porn sites, go to strip clubs, etc. Why do they get away with it? There are a number of reasons (er, excuses) that often get thrown out about this, such as...

• Men need variety. (Um, really? Do you want a cookie or something? Oh wait, that's what you're doing, getting your cookie.)
• Men think about sex constantly. (So, what. There are plenty of things in the world that need fixing, get a life.)
• We can't help it. (So, you're saying you are incapable of making decisions? There sure are a lot of you in political office then if that's the case)
• Men are visually oriented. (yes, we are right here in front of you)

Women get upset about things like this because:

• It's disrespectful to us. (Why then do we as a gender continue to provide this entertainment thus disrespecting ourselves)
• It's degrading. (See above)
• It makes me feel shitty and unattractive. (Yes, it does, especially because society tells you that you should be all things to men and be a whore, but only in bed with one man, and his need for you to be attractive all the time is really really important. Um, have you looked at him lately?)

Okay, now that we've got that out of the way let's cut the superficial BS and try to find some roots. The roots of these evils, on both ends, are ego driven and are perpetuated by our poor sense of self esteem. A man who needs to consistently engage with many other women who don't know or love him obviously needs constant ego stroking to feel good about himself. Women, see bullet number three above.

The sad truths:

1. Men who regularly engage with this crap (monthly, weekly, daily, whatever) are slowly eroding their ability to be satisfied by their real sex life by building immunities to what's really in front of them. (sad, but true)
2. Women who find out their men are doing this and confront them end up feeling worse because he will do it again and she will find out and be hurt. (sucky and true)
3. Women who find out and don't tell their man they know suffer resentment and suspicion. (suckier? but true)
4. Majority of women across the world are not satisfied with their sex lives, but instead of engaging in other activities (like men do,) blame themselves and try to figure out how to better please their man. (really really sad but true)

Question for men next time you hit the keyboard running - How would you feel if you spent the bulk of your free time cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, running errands, working and pleasing us only to find out that we spend our free time chatting with a real, live, naked men while they do stuff for us to watch and talk dirty to us? Does that make you feel good? Wouldn't it also be great if we told you that you were insecure and jealous for caring? Or if we've asked you not to do it anymore only to find out otherwise a few days later? Awesome, yeah, good stuff...

Question for women next time you 'find out' - How would you feel if you were taught from a young age that you're a MAN, and men think with their penis and you subconsciously bought into it. Now you use your brain exactly the way you were taught, on mindless nonsense when you could be inventing something amazing or solving world hunger. Sweet, amazing, me smart...

I didn't really answer the question. What do I think? Is live pornography the same as cheating? Kind of, you are engaging with another real human being. My bigger question is why in the world would you do that when you have a kind hearted, caring woman who loves you and would do anything to please you if you only asked.

Pretty stupid. All of it. Nothings sacred anymore. Times have changed. I agree with redefining relationships and everything else, but let's do it in ways that are beneficial and build the kind of lasting deep bonding that we all crave and are too scared to really have.

WOULD LOVE FOR YOU TO WEIGH IN! Seriously, you can comment anonymously, I am fascinated to know what people think. If you missed the question, it's "IS LIVE PORN CHEATING?"

Peace out baby.

Disclaimer: This weigh in is based on 'best case scenario' situations. This isn't about he said she said or well, she won't have sex with me, etc. Just regular couples with average sex lives and real lives. Also, many items above are slightly exaggerated so you get the point.

razor sharp

I wonder what thoughts would feel like if you could touch them. I know I've felt their impact on my psyche through the ethers. But would they reflect their edges to the touch? Misaligned resentment cutting, slicing fingers. Serene loving like the inside of the perfect mother's womb...

image from mindislife.com

I know what they look like on the page, but they lose their luminosity in the transfer from soul to file. They become vulnerable to rapid misinterpretation and misuse, losing their purity and looking dry or damp. 

I wonder too, if these most precious thoughts are kept to the self for these reasons. To keep them safe from harm, that is to imply that thoughts have a value and protection is necessary. And maybe some things are just better left to the ethereal in their simplest form of masses of energy.

Who cares? Wonder, amazement and pondering do. I guess it means things you can't touch are equally important as those you can.

And that's all the shaming I can offer for now...

the significance of

What is the significance of life? Some say it's love, others say it's accomplishment, others yet say it's to be enjoyed. I'm having one of those days where I can't find a reason to be alive when it's certain that I will die. Depressing? I suppose it is, but there's opportunity in these moments to unearth a big ball of crap wadded up from cyclical material life.

My question is, if it is love, accomplishment, enjoyment, etc. why is there so much suffering in the world? How do we go about our business of enjoyment everyday with no concern for our fellow humans being murdered, uneducated and set up for failure? Is there some special secret to turning a blind eye? Or is it just accepting that it's 'just the way things are."

I know one thing for sure, I don't know what the meaning of life is. On more serene days sometimes I think I catch a glimpse of it staring at the sky or passing a most peculiar looking tree. Those are very solitary moments in time where you can actually see everything at once and its perfectly balanced, but just for a second, and then it's gone. All the sorrow, pleasure, remorse, reluctance and revelation returns.

Some people say you just have to find a way to deal with it. Laugh when you can. Love often. Be yourself and stay sane.

I want to know what everybody else thinks, not to change my mind (it's not made up,) but to garner a wider perspective of humanity. So, what say you?