Things of an intimate nature

I get to thinking about how fearful people are about their internal lives. I myself am terrified of the day I get dementia and end up saying thoughts I only hear inside my head. But, I'm shameless, and I will discuss.

Did your mind ever consider yanking off someone's arm and beating them with it? Or perhaps you cleaned up your dogs poop and thought about eating it. Too far? It's always okay when we discuss wanting to get with your wife's best friend, right? So, why not these other thoughts? They are the ones that end up with mass shootings and extreme murder sprees, correct?

A culture obsessed with that which can be sold. Atrocities in the media, or school closings because nothing else is happening except the weather (#MN2015+) At the same time, we're brainwashed with being as skinny, healthy and beautiful as possible? Hmm... Make you sad about the state of affairs to want to fix yourself? Or to stress eat enough to need the lose weight program? Yeah, pattern is clear.

I ask a ton of questions, I'm okay with that. Who else is asking? I recall my 90 year old Grandma telling me after the latest mass shooting; "We used to put these people in mental facilities, locked up! And now they are free to roam around." Right or wrong Grandma, she was making a point. We recognized the intense thoughts in people as something to be addressed.

But today, would we be able to?

Lest you be constantly swayed by politics, and what for? Our political system is as corrupt as our media, they work in tandem. We are not a democracy. In order for it to be "about the people" it needs an overhaul, sorry, not sorry.

What's the point... The point is people have nowhere to dispose of their own evil. We're taught to stuff it and strive to be a certain way and then our prominent figures commit suicide, or disappear. The Veteran who is recognized for their sacrifice, but never the long range torment. Same with the victim of violence who escaped.

Our whole world is built around temporary moments of recognition today. Literally. And there are these amazing people, they go out of their way to make their ideas come to fruition and succeed! It seems impossible, but they do it! And there are the "most" of us, just drowning out the days to get to a weekend we won't recall, only to continue a cycle of M-F, F-Sun.

Not pretty, right? Here's the thing though, every single day we listen to the media discuss all these atrocities on the news and simultaneously we're brainwashed with ads about how to smell and look better. Hmm... In reality, our minds are a scattered mess of contradictions that force us to discuss sadness and at the same time seek a level of perfection that is not achievable.

#FirstWorld Problems, RIGHT. If you don't understand that you're part of the problem.

I've discussed this before, yet it's still valid; a place where people just say what's in their head. Or perhaps the people you reveal your utmost crazy upon? And when I say that, I say it in a way that wonders why the hell our media doesn't acknowledge it. We recognize Veterans (for example) and refuse to support them in dealing with the absolute hell they went through. Or victims of crimes unthinkable are condoned for finding the strength to endure and escape. This is makes for incredibly victorious stories, right?!

There's no place (outside of stand up comedy) to acknowledge the atrocities in our minds. The place that literally creates our reality. None. We are left to create them ourselves. We don't see live interviews of people discussing the true depths of mind.

Is that wrong? I'm not saying it is, but there is such a predisposition on everything that we are at risk of disconnecting even further all the time. It's as though we would be disowned for expelling.

These Dreams...

I don't love you, but I still dream about you. I don't want you in my life, but it's like we're old friends when I sleep. She's always there, in our house we built. Completely unbothered, she is, as we catch up on what's happening in our lives.

Sometimes the dog is there, neighbors, old friends, family members. New faces I've never seen.

I wander in and discover you're happy to see me and it is in that exchange where I have to wonder if you dream of me too. That isn't true, I know you do.

In the flesh, there is no denying; it was never going to work. All the fussing and fighting, the making up and doing it all over again. The times we had the same dreams, so yes, I know you do.

All of it rendered me a shell of a human for quite a time and you would think I would loathe these dreams, but I don't.

I wake feeling whole again. Like a missing piece of myself has been restored. I lay there with my eyes closed, recreating the feeling, not wanting to wake. And my days are always better after these dreams. I feel alive, energized, as if my batteries were officially recharged.

And it's sad to me, that in this waking life, there are no words. I see you, infrequently, and we are complete strangers. Two souls who never knew each other it would seem.

But only in these dreams, you are a sibling, lover, friend, a tie that cannot be broken. Perhaps in another life these hearts will beat differently.

My thoughts on the 2024 'debate'

 Ugh, politics. I used to feel that the change in President didn't have much impact on my life, but the past 3.5 years definitely did and frankly, I am not looking forward to the future.

If both parties just stated things clearly in the debate last night, it would've been much shorter:

Harris - This is scripted and I do support all of my previous policies, but right now, I need to get in office and it shows. PS: Have you listened to me speak about things I actually believe in? You can tell I'm being truthful because I'm passionate and form unscripted sentences. But, I can't do that right now because it poses threads to my campaign.

Trump - Americans are tired of their tax dollars being used on everyone except for them and they can't afford your way forward. PS: I am not banning abortion, nor have I ever stated I would. End of story.

The way I see it: Those of us who are currently in favor of Trump are so for the following reasons:

- We are tired of our tax dollars being spent on everyone except Americans

- We don't care what color you are, what gender you decide to be, your sexual preference, or whether you're having an abortion; we are busy with our own lives and are trying to stay afloat

- We are not happy that the country is flooded with people who have nowhere to go. How is that a good thing? And we don't want to pay for their healthcare and housing, we can barely pay for our own

- Where does Harris think this money is going to come from? On this track with her proposed policies, she will triple the deficit, to a point where they have to make up a new number because she will surely surpass the googoplex with her policies

- Trump didn't do any of the things they are claiming he's going to in his four years, why would he do them now? He wasn't a dictator and he didn't take away rights, including the right to abortion. Read about it.

- Why would Donald Trump not take a salary his four years as President, be indicted, and shot in the face and still run for President if he was out to "Destroy" our freedom and rights.

It makes no sense.

I for one, think we need a financial advisor in office for another 4 years to fix the economy and then we can move on to long range planning for things like electric cars, universal healthcare and education, etc. 

Us regular people, we are not opposed to any of the things you claim we are. We simply want the American way of life and the past 3.5 years it's been way too fucking hard. Way too hard.

My Money, My Choice is how I feel about it. I don't want my tax dollars being spent the way they are and neither does Mr. Trump, so I'm voting for him and I know I will not regret that decision.

And that's all I have to say right now. 

A fever and the small things

 I was told one of the smartest things I've ever heard a few weeks back. Here it is.

"If you always take care of all the small things, the big things are easy."

If you know me, you know nothing is ever taken for its 'flat' version. There's always an entire universe breeding beneath a word, a phrase, a tree branch, or what have you. So, what if this seemingly simple concept were applied to the world we inhabit? What if all the small (us included) was tended to, kept in check, fed, clothed, and loved? Would war be handled differently or dissipate entirely? Could all this hate and violence be eliminated in those big moments they become inflamed?

I have no answers, only questions. Yet that is my dream, to see it all at peace, at ease, and at play. But, could we evolve without the drama? That is the bigger question?

Secondly, I wrapped up watching 1883 last night. If you haven't, I highly recommend it. In the second to last episode, Tim McGraw makes this statement, ignore the grammar:

"It don't matter if it hurts, it matters if it gets infected and you end up with a fever."

When taken as metaphor, there is a raw truth relating to our emotional well-being (and those small things...) It's so easy to allow hurt to wreak havoc on our behavior. It builds up until we are infected and become feverish, seeking clarity, vengeance, or simply to be heard.

Who cares Jennifer? I do! Why did I bring this up? I suppose because it's so easy to get caught in ordinary living. To heard words as simple literal phrases is to miss out on visions of the larger picture. The vision we all contribute to each and every day. It may sound silly, but reflection is what forces us to become not only more of ourselves, but better versions of ourselves and perhaps that is the only thing that could lead us to more loving ways of life.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Are we being 'snowed'

It's no question that these are strange times. Indeed we've seen strange times before, but do you recall the historical events of social obedience and the lives which were cost? The fact is that most of us in the face of fear will follow instruction. 'They' know this.

Both WWI and WWII were born under planetary configurations in which Saturn and Pluto were in difficult aspect. Our current situation is no different, perhaps except for the fact that Jupiter just came into the mix. I originally suspected it would simply expand the death toll. (Jupiter = expansion) / (Pluto = Death/Regeneration) but an optimistic thought just crossed my mind. Perhaps Jupiter will equal Justice and Truth, which he is also in favor of.

Justice for whom? Us. The common people, and not in the form of a check, but hopefully in the realization that those in control have little but ill intention.

Think of the good that has come from civil disobedience? Women's right to vote, human rights, the end of slavery. And all the lives those who helped hide families from Hitler's death camps. Civil disobedience often comes from the helpers. They weren't following orders, they simply knew what was right and what was wrong.

I am not saying I have any clue what is going on with COVID-19, but I am saying we all have a nagging spidy sense telling us something is NOT right and I'm incredibly hopeful when Mercury heads back into Aquarius, with Jupiter conjunct Saturn/Pluto that we finally find out. I get a strong sense that the Super Moon in Libra is going to aggravate the situation in the next few days, causing more restrictions, but leading to more investigations.

I certainly hope that it isn't true, that COVID-19 wasn't created in a lab to be used as biological warfare, but I am not ruling it out. Looking back at history, while it is a pandemic, it is nothing compared to the 11 Million who were systematically killed by Nazi Germany, which ended in an estimated 75 Million deaths during WWII. The coronavirus statistics are all over the map in accuracy, but they've estimated 74K. And yes, it's still a very big deal, but consider what was happening during those times? Think about it. And think about all the people who followed suit and not only allowed it, but also participated. Fear.

Our lack of toilet paper is pretty meaningless. We need to rise above the fear and hopefully get to the bottom of this without walking into a new world order. It could be, if we allow them to 'provide' it.

And that's all I have to say...